taLez fRom d mINd oF a BaLTaZar…

Lama didnt write in my blog..

Im suppose to be studying for my exams..but im not..malas o…hurm.. God please make me rajin!!

Potter & Clay is going on.. im now a facilitator, for ur info, Potter & Clay is a leadership program..this year ramai from Lifefire, what a dream come true.. and the lifefire participants are doing sooo well! The orang2 lifefire are.. Jill, Ester, Joannes, Daniel, Brendan, Yvonne Lim & Priscilla. And u have to lead a worship and give a talk(kerusso), Im like a proud momma seeing all of them.. especially jill who has been putting off leading worship for a long long time.. and she did great! Daniel and Joannes are owes helping out playing the music, and now even felix lets joannes lead.. hehe.. kena throw into the sea bah kan jon? Ester has grown up, dulu mcm blur2 bah this gurl, now ada aura2 leader od.. hehe i especially loved our final lifefire gathering when she gave a sharing bout the gospel.. wuahhh… =) Praise God!! Brendan & Yvonne, our 2 debaters.. lain kali can defend ourfaith kan? both gave HEBAT punya kerusso.. and Priscilla, my kakak who is my facilitatee, gave a heartfelt worship.. =) Wat is great is that shes the only friend who i invited to journey with me who has gone this far.. and letting God really work through her.. =) Im soo humbled..

God has blessed Lifefire in soo many ways.. and by the fruits we have seen.. there is no doubt that God has planned dis.. When we had no money especially during our first camp, and went on with faith.. we suddenly received donations more than enough after the camp.. even now,, we have a steady amount of money coming in from His angels.. = ) when we thought theres no one else to carry lifefire on, we get 3 new soldiers, daniel, brendan & yvonne.. and he has also blessed us with a loving and accountable brother/sistership in lifefire.. Praise God.. we started out soo little, bout only 5-6 of us.. with no musician..no no money.. no place to do our sessions.. now theres more of us.. with a lot of musicians..and money more than enough and a place to do our sessions =) he has humbled me.. all i do last time was worry worry worry.. and i could never rili receive anything during our gatherings.. but now when there are so many of us to help out.. i can just relax n receive.. =) may he open us more to His spririt so that he can lead us to bring more students to him.. and may he guide our every step n decision n be strong even through trials.. In Him we can do anything!! Phil4:13  There will be a Lifefire leader’s camp after exams.. it will be focused on bringing us leaders closer n know each other more.. and to plan for the next semester and also d camp.. Keep us in Prayers!! God bless u!!

24th Feb 2008 3.19pm

On a rainy evening when I was sick while waiting for Iggy to return back from Keningau..

As I count time that passes by..

And raindrops that fall on the window pane..

For the love of my heart to come by..

And kiss away all my pain..

Although time may pass patiently..

And I await ever so longingly..

My love will find his way home soon..
And happiness will again bloom..

Then after makin this short poem i tidur.. hehe.. baru makan ubat bah..

First,
Happy New Year Everyone!!!

I miss Philippines!!!!
i miss philippines itself…
Miss Lola n Lolo
Miss Aunty Phen, Uncle Bong and Phenelopee
Miss Cutie!!!!
Miss my beloved family there…

Went back to Philippines from the 30th November till 15th December 2007. It has been 11 LONG years since my last visit! This time it was a full family reunion..the first time the siblings (Rolando(my dad), Cornelia, Corazon, Renato and Josephine Baltazar) met in more than 1 decade..As it is, my dad and Tita nelia are here(M’sia) , TitoRene in Brunei while TitaCora and TitaPhen are in Philippines.

When we(Dad,Mum,Boboy,TitaNelia,Ednell,Brengie and I) arrived at Clark airport, we were greeted by wide smiles of Lola and TitaPhen, the airport was already closing for the day, guess our flight was the last one and my luggage bag got damaged! Was a bit angry so I made a report to the staff there, suprisingly, they were very helpful! Mum and bro bought  local Sim cards worth 30pesos, bout 3 ringgit here, very cheap.. and the Customs guy, quite good looking actually (I still love u egn!! heehee) said I’m ‘maganda’, tagalog for pretty.. hehe.. minta puji la dis.. was liking Philippines already! 

The journey from the airport to the province took about 2-3 hrs, we stopped by an Eatery on the way, didnt look much like the restaurants here in M’sia, d place looked like a house actually, was quite suprised..Had adobo ng baboi (Pork cooked wit Kicap) forgot wat else..the whole meal for 10 persons cost bout 1000p, sounds scary for malaysians, but its only about rm100 actually! hehe..I also had a taste of chicharon (keropok made out of fried pork skin) they also included a packet of suka(cuka) with it..dint like it altho d oders loved it dint regret that coz those things are super high in cholestrol and fat! WUAHAHAAHA..

We finally reached General Luna, was very dark already and we were greeted by Lolo happily hugging all his apo(grandchildren)..was soo tired, i washed up and knocked out in a room on a bed(covered with a kelambu) i shared with brengie to the sound of excited adults chattering and laughing very loudly outside my window…ZzzzZZzz

Most of the 2 weeks in Philippines were spent in the Barangay of Gen.Luna, what i summed up was that we were the noisiest and biggest family in Luna in that 2 weeks. When i said biggest i mean by the size of all of us! seriously! we were the fattest there! weeheee… The church in Luna was 2 steps away from my lolo’s home, it was right beside! and a basketball is right in front of it..every evening kids and also the youths would come and play basketball, bicycles, main getah or just sit or round around the place.
Such a convenience for us to b able to see soo many people and soo many sights and sounds just in front of our home there..Ednell quickly made friends with the kids there and was already like one of them playing basketball, but the kids there are seriously good! Basketball is their national sport, like football is in Msia.. Kakanette came on the 5thDec, being so excited coz she just learnt how to poco-poco in S’jung, we actually taught the girls there how to Poco-poco!! hehe

There was no internet.
Only 1 channel on the TV is clear.
Calling n smsing Msia is soo expensive.

what does these 3 statements conclude to?
Lots of talking.
Lots of tongitch(a card game).
Dancing..
Playing our childhood games(A-B-C A-B-C, laicikang semangkuk dua kupang)
Eating..

Which made me realised how much things technology pulled us away from..
not having much technology brought us closer to as we played and tell stories and laughed with each other.. Of course the adults with the adults and the children wit the children =)
and sharing a bathroom and a toilet with 13 others..
and hearing an orchestra of lots of different snoring at night..
and having more than enough time to sleep..
and taking the jeepney(kinda like a bus) and stuffed like sardines with more than 20 odr people..

cramped in a smaller jeep with 5 other fat people(my fam of coz!)
and getting to walk around the Barangay..
and pumping underground water..
and eating dinner with 16 loved ones every night.
and eating home cooked food only almost every day..
and playing basketball with dad and bro and getting bruises when bro pushed me and i fell..
bargaining in the shopping mall!!
quarrels with siblings and also a very dear friend..
having to obey and asking from my Lolo in everything we do..

Going to church and asking for blessings and shaking hands with EVERYBODY including the cute Priest(cute as in cute-i-wanna-pinch cute ok? :P)in church..I LOVE the church there!
Thank you Daddy in heaven that wonderful experience and also for all those I might have forgotten and dint write down here!

We went to Baguio for 2 days..
Baguio is a city on top of the hills..imagine the atmosphere of Kundasang..and imagine KK buildings and traffic.. cooolllddd! but loooovely! and beauuutifulll!!!! Got to do a lot of sightseeing there, Grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes and its 252 steps(if im not mistaken :P), bargaining in Mines View, beautiful Philippine Military Academy parks and scary looking tanks, the big & beautiful Baguio Cathedral,the horses with pink hair, Strawberry farm
,
ShoeMart ( a shopping mall with no air conditionig coz its already cold), Burnham Park with its big lake where we had our funny boatride and where a bakla danced the spaghetti song to TitoBong’s singing and a big skating rink, and people selling hot coffee and lots of couples dating and making out during the night time..had to pretend we din c anything.. weeheeheee…

The last day was heartbreaking experience.. everybody cried..even Melancholic-Choleric Lolo.. It was the end to the 16 days of amazing experience with a family I love..:( TitaCora finally came over to the house..Cutie was trying to calm us cousins down even offering her newly-bought handkerchief to wipe my maskara stained face(love u cutie..)..I know she was trying hard not to cry..We finally hugged and kissed everyone goodbye and drove off…

Overall..it was such a wonderful wonderful gift-from-God of experience.. which I will lovingly keep treasured in my heart Thank you Daddy God soo soo much… keep my family close to You k? Remind us always that with You centered in our family..nothing can part us..I love you…Amen..

-eNd-

JesUs YoU rULe!!!!!

I dunno how to start this, im having a splurge of emotions when thinkin bout Freedom Camp but I have no words to describe how beautiful and wondrous it was.  = ) I’ll try my best la kay?

1st Day..
BrenGie, EgaN and I arrived at SHC. Still not much people yet, we’re quite early but mestilah, greeters kan.. Little by little people came, some new faces, some familiar faces,yet I was more nervous than excited like how I usually feel when attending a retreat. Why shouldn’t I be? 1st time going to camp as a faci, or to be more precise, assistant facilitator! ahahrks.. me? wuahhh.. but that wasn’t the main reason. That day Jessica and I will be in charge of the Ice Breakers and after that I will be leading Worship!! For bout 100 campers!(eh, sampai kah 100?)This  will be a first! After 3 hrs of traveling to BCCM Kundasang, dinner, then it was Ice Breaking time. Thank God everytone seem to hav njoyed themselves despite the missing puzzle pieces for the puzzle game (sorry!hehe). Worship was filled with the Spirit, I was so unsure with myself, nervous, my hands cold, but in the end, my prayers were " Lord, let me be Your instrument." And as I let go and let God, words of praise, words of worship just start to pour, the Holy Spirit started to pour, and evryone were just being in our Lord’s presence. Praise the Lord!I cant explain how joyous I was, to have the privilege to even be His instrument. It was all good. It was all for Him!

2nd Day..
That day I had the best confession ever!Jude the speaker was talking about bondages, sins.. After that we were encouraged to go for confession and also counseling. I was anxious to go for confession, I needed to let go.. I think I was the 2nd to go for confession, and as waited for my turn, Yvonne T. approached me and ask wether I’m ready to minister. Me? Minister? I still didnt fill fit enough to take the role so I told Yvonne I’ll give her the answer after my confession. In the confessional, I made the sign of the cross I just let it all go, it was more like a conversation with Father Wilfrid than a confession, every ugly bit of myself was said, everything that was weighing my heart I i let go of, and even in all my sins Father said, "Human, are weak, we’ll fall again and again, but everytime you fall, what is most important is to stay faithful to Him and get back on track, your sins are forgiven."  Tears were shed, and in front of the Blessed Sacrament, I felt soo much lighter, soo much cleaner, soo much renewed. The first words I said when I stepped out of the confessional was the song "I am free!", with a big big smile!And said yes to Yvonne’s question. That night, during the Celebration of the Cross everyone was to nail their sins on the cross,as a sign of letting go of their sins and bondages. The sound of every nail struck was heartwrenching, you can almost imagine how it was when Jesus was nailed to the cross..one by one..all the sins were nailed to the cross and we were to minister to them, again, I was unsure, unsure of what to do and what to say, Chris prayed for me and after that I was off.. spirit filled..my prayers were " Let every word that comes our of my mouth be of Yours and not mine." .. and with every person that I prayed for, I was even more filled wih the Spirit.. Thank You Jesus for dying on the cross for me..

Day 3..

Last day..cudn’t believe it was already the 3rd day!Time seem to have passed by soo quickly!After session 4, which is about receiving the Holy Spirit, was the Baptism of the Holy Spirit, we were told to minister again, this time it was different from the night before, as the music played, and the Spirit was pouring.. people started to cry..some rested in the spirit..and as we ministered to them, more rested in the Spirit..my hands were shaking..and I was not cold nor afraid..It was the Spirit working..my tongue started to speak words I couldn’t understand as I ministered to the campers..more and more let go, and more and more rested.. Spirit filled the place we were in..and it poured and poured..Jude prayed over me and I rested in the Spirit… = ) Praise and Bless the name of our Lord Jesus!!
After packing, Fr. Willfred said mass, and it was the most beautiful mass ever! Fr suited the mass to our way of praising and worshiping and indeed it was beautiful! Even as the bread and wine touched my tongue, it touched me..in a way I cannot explain..everything was beautiful!

Soon it was time to go home, good byes were said..pictures taken.. bags packed and we headed home..
Thank you to all the leaders for the chance to be a faci, i learned and experienced a lot!! Thank you soo much to Father Wilfred for your support to us youths and for the wonderful time we spent with you! Thanks to all the freedom campers!! To all the new friends and also u guys yg ody lama-lama for sharing this joy with me , for every hug every J-Mail, every word, every smile, every gesture you gave me, Thank yOU!!!! =) to Cheche Jess and Koko Danny, Rody Bro.. Thank you! I love you guYz!!! and those who are dearest to my heart.. especially Egan and Brengie..thank you for always being there for me, for supporting me in my prayers, for loving and caring for me soo much.. thank you! God Bless all of You!!!
And to my Hero, my Saviour, my Redeemer, to the One most worthy of all praises, thank YOU..
JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All glory and praise to You!!

Tomorrow LifeLine Campus Ministry, LifeFire, will be launching!!! We are a bunch of  God-fearing catholic students =) The details are ;-

Date : 25th January 2005
(Thursday)
Time : 7.30pm

Place : Maktab Nasional Canteen, Kingfisher

(opposite KF 1st bus stop)

There will be Praise and Worship, Ice Breakers and a little makan-makan. Do come and bring ur frens along too esp if you’re from UMS. =) See ya! God Bless!!

ATTENTION!! Everyone!! The Penampang Youths will be holding a P&W tour and musical Concert as follows. Come laa we go!!!

4th Feb 07: Praise & Worship Tour
Time: 7.30pm
Venue: St Michael’s Parish Hall, Penampang.
Entrance Fee: FOC.

11th Feb 07: Musical Concert for 120yrs Good News for St Michael Parish Penampang.
Time: 6.30pm
Venue: Dewan Tun Fuad Stephen, Penampang.
Entrance Fee: RM1.00 students
RM3.00 adults

anything just give a call to Simone at 0168361509

How could something be both wonderful and painful?
How could something that makes u feel like ur on cloud 9 also make you feel like a knife piercing ur heart?
Love is such a mysterious thing.. how it works, i can never understand.. 
I guess..going tru life..you just have to go thru it..cant run away frm it..
Then, as a sister had said to me, after the storm.. there will be a rainbow..
I’ll be waiting for that rainbow..

Lord God..grant me the grace to go thru all my life’s struggles..
let me never lose You.. Cos You are my strength.. Let me remember that You are the reason for my life, not the world.. Heal this hurting heart of your daughter..Only You know what I am going tru..Grant me Your peace.. Thank You Lord God.. Amen. xoxo   

Im soo happy bout what happened tonite.. for a moment it looked as though it was gonna turn for the worst, but of coz it didnt! ! Thank you Jesus..

I reflected that even though it was tough, but we gained a lot tru it.. we learned a lot.. And I hope it wud be a start of a sturdier foundation.. A stronger bond bween us as bros and sis’ in Lifeline.. I was meant to happen, it was part of God’s bigger plan, coz if it didnt happen, we wudnt learn soo much frm each oder and so much else! It made me realise the differences of everyone.. differences that cud lead to good things and bad.. the importance of tolerance and understanding.. the importance of frenship, brothership and sistership..

I guess we are still learning, and there is still much more to learn in our journey to Christ.. soo much more obstacles and tests.. But at the end.. we grow stronger in Faith and also Love towards our bros and sis’ who we journey together with.. I shouldn’t have under estimated the bond bween the Lifeliners.. yer.. PRAISE THE LORD for everything!! Our God is awesome indeed!!! ALLELUIA!!!!

Im happy with the outcome of PraiseNite.. :0 ) very happy that everything worked out well.. but somehow.. im not at peace…there’s an area in my life that i thought i offered up.. but i think I didnt.. mmg dint la.. dunno why… didnt even think bout it actually.. was wondering y my heart felt different… y i cudnt open myself up completely.. now i realise dy.. kinda sad o.. was having high hopes of experiencing God to the fullest tonite.. I did feel Him tonite.. but I’m disappointed in myself.. dunno la…

God..u alone know my heart..guide me.. heal me.. k? tq for tonite.. its such a blessing to see my frens opening up to u Lord.. thank you for touching their hearts..their lives Lord.. continue to show Yourself to them Lord.. Thank you soo much.. I pray also for people I love the most.. that one day i can reach out to them and that they will receive and open up their hearts to Your Love Lord.. thank you Lord Jesus.. Thank you for a wonderful nite with you… thank you dearest Mother Mary for interceeding with us to Your son..thank you soo much.. Thank You.. Lord Jesus.. Amen..

goodnight everyone…

yaYYyyYYy PRaise niGHT toMOro!! eh.. 2.47am dy.. Praise niGht toDaYYyyYYyy!! caNT waiT!!! nerVOUs oso la.. but.. tHe Master Planner will make everything happen according to His plans,,so I know everything will be alright! Happy o just now.. during prep for PraiseNyte.. during ministering.. *sigh* I think ive never prayed for people as much as i did jz now.. wuah.. I happy oh!!!!! siok oso ah jadi an instrument of God : D nothing is more wonderful than being in His presence!!!!!

but why issit that all that cud be forgetten in just a blink of the eye? Humans are soo weak.. I am weak.. but through Him I will be strong Him alone..

Thats why I love being with the LifeLinerz.. Im often being reminded of My Saviour.. And he shows Himself a lot tru the Lifeliners… Made such loving frens tru LifeLine.. U dunno how much you guyz have impacted my life Thank You Jesus for giving me all of them!

Thank you Father for your presence tonite.. Thank you soo much for all the wonderfull things You have done in my life.. Ive never been soo blessed before..Thankyou for such wonderfull frens.. For my results.. For my family.. Thank you for all ur miracles.. ur blessings that You have showered upon me… May I be ur instrument to show Your love to everyone.. May everything I do.. will be in Your name.. I am not perfect Father.. but tru all my flaws and my imperfections, thats where you show Urself to me the most.. but mold me Father.. so that  others may see You tru me Father.. Thank you soo much.. for Your love for  Me.. thats the answer kan? ‘Why?’..its coz of me and I am soo thankful for that.. Thank You Father I love you… -youR daughter.. aNNe…